my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize
