i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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