Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
