wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
