dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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