im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
