Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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