and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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