D3 body, D1 cock
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
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