drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
