Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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