my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Randomize
