Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize