btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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