Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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