I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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