You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
