I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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