i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize