Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
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