yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
