hotel room ftw
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
