They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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