i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
my god I love twenty year old dicks
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
