I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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