also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Randomize
