Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
But break dance skills will only take you so far
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize