Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
And then he peed in my hair
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