I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
