Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
