If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize
