Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Randomize
