Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
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