My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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