Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Randomize