I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
