I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
