I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize