Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
