He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Randomize
