I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Randomize
