D3 body, D1 cock
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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