Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
i need some magic done to my vagina
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
