I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
