Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
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