My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
