The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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