You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
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