I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
My vagina just recognized that song.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
