There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
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