Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
My life is pants optional.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
