OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize