the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
