you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
