in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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