apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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