I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
