Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
i drank out of a bidet.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
