Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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