i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
