Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
honey bunches of taint.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
