she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
