even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
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