That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
Randomize
