it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
