omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
