Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
