i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
