just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I can't turn off my feet"
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Who died my cat blue again?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
