i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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