How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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