She's JV to your varsity
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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