it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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