Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
