Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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